Take a Breath
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: It's understandably stressful to live and work on a moon 4.37 light years from Earth where every living thing seemingly wants to kill you. Yet sometimes it's best to just let your guard down, take a breath and relax.


_A/N_

_I can't help but reflect on the irony that I've written more for _Avatar _game characters than movie characters, even if some appear in both. I can't help but feel it's a strange, if rigid dichotomy really, how practically all the _Avatar _books are for reference, how all the games are prequels and preludes while leaving the movies to chronologically move forward (or at least that's what _Avatar 2 _seems to be doing). Anyway, a request was made for "more Ryder" so here's the result._

* * *

**Take a Breath**

There were far more constructive uses of time than simply pacing around the tarmac of Hell's Gate, not to mention far better things to look at. And considering that a combination of low albedo and the heat of engines made the area one of the warmest sites in this area of Pandora, wrapping your arms around yourself if cold was slightly odd to say the least. But then again, strange circumstances tended to have strange effects on people. And right now, pacing around in worry, anxiety and every other nasty little emotion the human mind concocted under stress, "Able" Ryder was one of those people.

"Wow, did you see that shot? Two-hundred metres at least!"

Ignoring Selfridge's bragging about his golf, the administrator conveniently ignoring Pandora's 0.8g gravity in the process, Ryder kept walking without purpose. He felt...scattered, somehow, drowning in a monsoon of events that were beyond his control.

_Beyond your control? _The signals specialist wondered, watching an AMP pilot brag of the very thing he felt he lacked. _Yeah right..._

His trademark sarcasm, it seemed, hadn't left him. Nor had his thoughts of whether he'd made the right choice in following Falco's orders to deal with Harper, thoughts that always seemed to veer down the self-destructive path of "what if?" And indeed, what _if _he'd followed the scientist's advice? What _if _he'd betrayed the RDA and sided with the Tipani? Probably nothing more than having his Avatar destroyed by bullets rather than an arrow and thrown into a ditch just the same, but still...

"Hey..."

Ryder ignored the voice, wanting to keep to his own little world for awhile, one even smaller than this God-forsaken moon. He was tired...tired of watching a dream of frolicking in a blue body fall along with Harper's body, tired of using his fingers to pull the triggers of various firearms than apply his skills as a cryptologist. He was tired of this little clusterfuck of a war that Falco had dragged him into and, having just returned from Grave's Bog with the second last crystal needed to pinpoint the location of the Well of Souls, was tired of serving a cause he no longer believed in.

_Yeah, but that doesn't stop you does it? Shame that we didn't invent time travel along with matter-anti-matter reactions._

Deciding to finally face his visitor, Ryder instantly switched his wishes to teleportation (which, unlike time travel, actually existed. Damnit, irony was a killer). He hadn't had much time to make friends over the last few weeks, which suited him just fine. He'd seen so many humans and na'vi die over that time period, the latter he felt sure he could have been friends with had the events in Blue Lagoon not gone the way they did, that he was reluctant to really get to know anyone. Unfortunately, not only did he know Kendra Midori quite well, but she was standing right here in front of him.

"Hey..." the security officer repeated, brushing aside some hair as she walked the line between compassion and caution. "Came looking for you when you didn't answer your radio. Is it broken or-..."

"No," the lance corporal grunted, immediately walking away and almost getting crushed by an AMP as he did so. "I turned it off."

"Turned it off? Why did you-..."

Ryder sighed, ignoring the walker pilot's insults and doing his best to ignore Kendra's voice as well. Here he was, a few feet away with one of the brightest minds in the field of terraforming and yet she either could not or would not take a hint. Well, science was the pursuit of truth, so deciding to throw diplomacy to the wind (_oh come on, you started that _ages _ago..._), Ryder decided to grant her it.

"I turned it off because I wanted to be alone, plain and simple," said the signals specialist bluntly. "You know, walk around the base, breathe some fresh air..."

"Fresh air?" Kendra asked, failing at hiding her urge to laugh. "Ryder, even if you weren't wearing an exopack, you're in one of the most polluted areas of Pandora. If you want fresh air, why don't you head back inside?"

"Oh I'm sorry!" the former trooper exploded. "Maybe I was sick of Hell's Gate! Maybe I was sick of being inside with people whose only interest in me is how many crystals I pick up and how many na'vi I kill! Maybe I just wanted to...take a breath, you know?!"

Kendra stepped back, not only having taken the hint Ryder gave her, but not being of the idea that she should hide it. Still, while that displayed the sensitivity that only friends and family gave, "Able" was in no mood to let that slow him down.

"But here I am!" he yelled, running his hands through his hair, some part of his mind telling him it was past regulation length. "So do what you have to do, _Officer _Midori. Send me to Falco, or Monroe, or whoever else wants me this time!"

In an instant, the lance corporal knew he'd gone too far, that he shouldn't have treated his superior, let alone a friend the way he did. In another instant however, he knew, or rather convinced himself that this was what he wanted. True, they could act like friends, but in the end, all it came down to was simply giving him orders in the field. And after silently admitting that she was the one who was seeking him out, Ryder let his frustration show.

"Well, what is it this time? A turret to fire? A modulator to fix? What _fascinating _task have you-..."

"None of them," answered Kendra firmly. "I was actually wondering if you wanted to take part in a card game we've got going on in the mess hall. Trudy's giving the scientists a run for their money, Dalton's as green at cards as he is in the field and both of them would like to see you at the table with them. And despite having risked having a winning hand revealed, I've dragged myself out here to see if you're as good at cards as you claimed to be a few days ago."

Something was buzzing in Ryder's ears and it certainly wasn't a hellfire wasp. Still, right now, he wished it was. Because while shooting an annoying insect was a perfectly legitimate way of dealing with it, shooting Kendra wasn't. And right now, using a firearm was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I...er...well..."

"Yes?"

Ryder sighed, rubbing his hands through his hair again, albiet for a different type of frustration. He felt like an idiot, he'd acted like an idiot and...well, that was just plain idiotic. So when push came to shove, all he could do was babble like an idiot when Kendra turned away and he knew he'd have to act now or never.

"Kendra, I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, glad to see her turn back to face him. "I...you...I mean...there's been so much stress, and...well, we're probably all under stress and that's therefore not an excuse so-..."

"No, it isn't," muttered the CO.

"I...I just..."

"But it's ok," smiled Kendra, breaking the ice in two seconds rather than the failed five Ryder had attempted. "You don't need to make excuses. Just...take a breath, ok? Even if you've got plastic wrapped around your face, you don't need to hide behind it."

Inhaling filtered oxygen, nitrogen and a few particulates that managed to slip through, Ryder followed his...friend's suggestion. And proving that she was indeed smarter than he was, he felt the anxiety slip away as quickly as the carbon dioxide exfiltrated the plastic.

"All better?" the security officer asked.

"Yeah...yeah it's better," answered Ryder sincerely.

"Good. Cause you'll need concentration if you're going to beat me at cards."


End file.
